ALONG COMES MARY

I  have been searching for a new job pretty steadily for a while now, filling out on-line applications, trying to make connections. Most have led to no avail so you can imagine that I was quite excited when I got a call for an interview, as well as a follow-up, at a very high-end department store at a posh SoCal shopping mecca…woot!;)

Yet….I left the super nice lady a voicemail that I would  not be returning for the 3rd & final appointment to meet the Executive Manager of the location, which I think was to offer me this position. I went back & forth on this SO much but, all I kept adding up were things I did not like about the job & type of store it is…they told me to make sure to be as polished as can be, wear more make-up (I had on my usual ‘made-up’ face, which is 7 products of goop), add in lipstick (not a fan…doesn’t Burts Bees count?), have a more professional purse, wear earrings (But my ears are not pierced), buy a black suit jacket (which I really did not want to spend $50 on unless I got hired) & not use any vocabulary like ‘Yeah’ or ‘Cool’. The language, I can understand, but, I felt so out-of-place! This is not me. I have never been asked of so much for an interview….& for a part-time holiday gig:/

I feel so conflicted….I am getting older (My birthday is a month away–oy) & know I should make a leap to something more ‘grown up’. I know I am not always the most professional person in the room, but, is it that bad? In order to grow, do I need to change myself to the point I would feel un-comfortable at a job, worried I might slip & say ‘Yeah’ instead of ‘Yes’ to a client? To make sure my brows are waxed at all times & my lipstick caked on & in place? It would weaken  my performance, I know.

I also have the typical life question, why must this seem to work out if I want, yet jobs I have really wanted & hoped to get, did not work out? Do I just have to continually think of the good outcomes when I did not get what I had hoped? Example, a theatre job I thought for sure would be mine, I should just think its good I did not get it since I am now back pursuing more education? Hmmm…

The ironic thing is, I AM back in school for my theatre passion, & went from the interview to class. There, in my all-black get up, I realized how giddy I felt around the theatre campus pretending to be a Stage Manager (as they usually have to wear all black in order to blend in in-case they must sneak on stage). My excitement at the thought of perhaps wearing that outfit on a tech job got me much more hopeful for my future than the retail job. It also reminded me that some of my favorite memories have been while at theatres, not always getting paid, just having FUN. Times are hard, we all need money & the thought of a new job is lucrative, yet is it worth being miserable or worried about ‘Will I really have to wear more make-up if I work there? Make sure to have a 3 piece suit? Maybe she won’t notice if I don’t?’ (& mind you, this supervisor was just going out of her way to help me make a great impression & could not have been more gracious to me. I just cannot see myself in that environment).

Despite if I am STILL wondering if I made the right choice, it is great to realize how important it is to be yourself. Why would I want to accept a job that I feel like I must be on my best behavior? I truly did not feel like me there. At all. I have worked so hard to surround myself around people whom accept me for just how I am. Friends I know don’t care if I don’t always wear make-up. Friends who know I like to cuss (which I should work on!!). All my jobs, I realized, have at-least allowed my true self to shine through. Isn’t life too short to be miserable? All I could stack up after the 2nd interview were the cons, hardly any pros. Why live a life with more cons than pros?