Is my FEAR Greater than my Faith?

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Fear has been haunting me. Not so much the actual act, but simply, the 4 letter word. I have been contemplating if/when I finally get a tattoo, & what I want my very first to be. I know a Tori Amos lyric is in the top running & I keep resorting back to the very first lyric that I ever read by her, I was 12, & it has meant a lot to me ever since. It goes: “And I fear my fear/is greater than my faith/but I walk the missionary way”.  I have thought of getting that entirely as a tattoo, or simply, “I walk the missionary way.” Then, one of my favorite bloggers & my most faithful for ACM, Susan,  wrote a very thought-provoking post recently about FEAR & how she had an ‘AHA’ moment over coming just that.

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I actually do have a fear, very much so. Death. The thought of losing my Mother, a loved one, or myself, dying, absolutely terrifies me. I have had 2 deaths in my life that have deeply affected me, both were a shock & sudden; even on the same day, no less. My Aunt in 2009, & my dear friend, Lauren, just a month ago. While my Aunt was 61 & Lauren just 20, they were both much, much too premature deaths. I think of their future, they both spoke of them, Lauren, in school in Canada, having a great college life & my Aunt, planning her next voyage to Europe, which even required refunds for as she had just booked the trip. The thought of myself & those I care about just one moment going POOF is so daunting to me. Where do we go? Why do we leave? I try to hope there is some kind of after life, re-incarnation, so this one little stop into the world is not the end for us, but who knows. All I know is, it scares the hell out of me if I think about it too long. Thus, why I try to just keep moving, or not let other fears get the best of me for too long.

That is my fear. What is/are yours? & please tell me your thoughts on death & what happens once we pass away.

 

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(*All images from Pinterest)

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  1. Amanda

    March 10, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    I think my biggest fear is failure. Luckily, it doesn’t prevent me from doing things at which I might fail, though. Rejection is another one.

  2. Susan Cooper/findingourwaynow.com

    March 10, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    Mary – You are so wonderful and I am blessed to have you on my side and in my life. Fear is a four letter word and having great friends to help you through is a must. Can’t wait until you can visit and have a girl night.

    1. Along Comes Mary

      March 12, 2013 at 8:38 pm

      I am sooo glad we connected, Susan!!;) xoxo

  3. noellepicara

    March 10, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    I think my biggest fear is dying without accomplishing anything that I wanted to do in life. Love your tie to the Tori Amos lyric. I have to tell you that I first found out about Tori Amos (also when I was 12) from a Vogue article she was in. In the article they had highlighted the lyric “so you can make me cum, that doesn’t make you Jesus.” I went out and bought her album immediately, without even having heard her music. The rest is history.

    1. Along Comes Mary

      March 12, 2013 at 8:39 pm

      OMG Noelle, my story is so similar! When I read that lyric from Suede at 12 yrs old, it was in Vanity Fair!:) I didn’t know her music at all, but found Little Earthquakes & the rest is my history;)

  4. annepelczar

    March 21, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    Well, I won’t try to “evangelize” you 🙂 But it does make all the difference to have faith – to know that death is not the end, but only the beginning of eternity… and all your struggles here will finally be rewarded. I am, too, still afraid of dying. The thought of not knowing what eternity actually looks like scares me. But I have that to hold on to. I know that MY eternity will be awesome. That’s what really takes that big fear (or should I say uncertainty) out of death for me.

    1. Along Comes Mary

      March 24, 2013 at 1:07 am

      Thank you so much for this, Anne. What a great way to look at death; a chanch that your struggles will be rewarded. Awesome:) Looking forward to meeting you soon!

  5. artisticrite

    March 27, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    What do I fear?
    Yeeeeesh……not experiencing all this amazing world has to offer, so I suppose i fear death too. Loosing my son, husband, mother or father is hard, more than I want to contemplate. To not play an important part of helping humanity to rise to its next step in the walk of enlightenment is also a fear, but generally I am not that evolved. I am not too sure i have that much impact on the whole thing. FWIW. There have been at minimum three deaths in my one degree of seperation this past month and I am consumed with the weight of the “what next” question.To die myself, well, I suppose it does beg the “what next” question. I don’t have a tidy, faith based answer like previous individuals here, but I can say there are times when I look into the eyes of an elder or a child and see infinity.
    Please forgive this rambling post.

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